Sixteen Love Notes by Winters Jeannette

Author:Winters, Jeannette
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-10-28T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 12

Shanae

“What are you thinking?” Jack asked as we sat on the blanket on the sandy beach.

Staring out at the ocean I said, “I was trying to recall the last time I did something like this.”

“And when was that?”

I snorted. “Never.”

“You grew up here and never came and sat on the beach like this?” he questioned.

I could come up with some ridiculous reason why, but I didn’t want to pretend with Jack. There was no point in my hiding the truth about Tabiq.

“You know a part of our history. It wasn’t nice, especially if you were a girl. We were raised to stay close to home, and we were to stay as invisible as possible at all costs. The government tracked us just waiting for the day we turned eighteen.” I couldn’t look at him as I described the life here. I didn’t want to see the disgust in his eyes. “Most of my life was spent in the house or at night when I could sneak off with my father. Even that wasn’t frequent.”

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

I turned to him and said, “Me too, but I got lucky. My parents got me out. So many others didn’t have that chance. The women here have suffered so much and…and…” I choked back my tears and finished, “and I can’t look at them without feeling guilty.”

He moved over closer to me, wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and said, “I could tell you not to feel guilty, but survivors’ guilt is real.”

“And it…hurts.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault,” I replied.

“And it’s not yours either,” he replied. “Shanae, even though it didn’t happen to me, I do have a lot of experience working with people who suffer from survivors’ guilt.”

I looked up at him and asked, “It’s a real thing?” He nodded. “So, this is normal?”

“Unfortunately, yes. What I’ve learned over the years is that talking about it seems to help.”

“We have been told all our lives not to talk about it. That it is something…embarrassing.”

“Not voicing it only gives it more power over you. Your pain is real. You have the right to express what you’re feeling.”

“But you need someone who is willing to listen,” I said softly.

He tipped my chin up so our eyes met. “I am here. I am listening.”

I’ve never seen such compassion in anyone’s eyes before. It was as though he was not just listening but feeling what I was saying. My heart ache, pain, reflected in his eyes.

I nodded and said, “I really appreciate that, Jack. I’ve never shared any of this with anyone.” And I don’t know why I am now.

“I’m glad you feel comfortable talking to me about it,” he replied.

Comfortable? Not sure I will ever feel comfortable talking about this. But with Jack, I found it easier than I ever have. That was huge.

“Any other advice for me?” I asked.

“I’ve heard this also helps. If you can find a way to take your experience and use it to help someone else, it might even help more.

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